Feedback is truly a gift. If you’re in a leadership position it is an even greater gift because it costs more to give.
Sometimes, or often, we want to return the gift. If you are married or in a similar relationship, you know exactly what I mean. I implore you to resist that urge. If you can’t say anything positive at the moment, do as Marshall Goldsmith says, just say “thank you”.
Someone cared enough to give you feedback. Whether you agree with it or not, you need to acknowledge the gift. Give it some thought. What was the person really saying? Often what we say and what we mean are not the same thing. “This stinks” is feedback but not very specific or constructive. Show the gift-giver that you care, and take the opportunity to dig deeper and find out what “stinks”. Remember, you are trying to understand at this point, not defend. Resist the urge to re-gift.
Feedback is a gift if you accept it. At the very least you will learn something, and at the very best you will build stronger relationships and improve your life.
I’ll give you a one week challenge. I’m pretty sure you will receive feedback from at least one person in your life every day for the next week. Here’s your challenge:
- Identify the feedback – sometimes we don’t notice it
- Write it down
- Did you re-gift or did you listen?
- What did the person really mean?
- What did you learn?
- What action are you going to take?
- Thank each person for the feedback
I would love to hear how this works out for you, so come back and share your experiences.
Related Link: Feedback Challenge Results
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This sounds like an interesting concept – I’ll take your challenge and see what I learn.
Thanks for the comment Terry. I think you will enjoy the challenge and I think you will be delighted with the results you get. I know that this has made a tremendous difference in my work relationships, but I still struggle with applying it to my personal relationships.
Have fun, and please let us know how this works out for you.