Today is Mother’s day. I lost my mother in August. I had a great mother, and like most people I didn’t realize just how great she was until I was an adult. So in honor of my mother, I would like to share a list of what I learned from my mother as it relates to leadership.
- Consistency. My mother was unbelievably consistent when it came to discipline. It didn’t matter how tired she was, where we were, or who we were with; if we broke a rule we were disciplined. Every time. Period. As a result, we knew what to expect. I thought everyone did this, and I didn’t realize how difficult this was for her until I was far into adulthood. Consistency is difficult for leaders to do too, but it is extremely important that your people know what to expect. As leaders we have enough distractions to manage, we don’t need to create any of our own by confusing our people with our inconsistent behavior.
- Actions have consequences. We had rules to follow, and if we broke the rules we faced the consequences. Before we were disciplined, my mother sat us down and reviewed the infraction. She would ask, “Did you know the rule? Did you know you were breaking the rule? What is the punishment for violating the rule?” We didn’t like getting punished, but we knew it was our own choice to break the rules, and we were responsible for the consequences. I used this lesson when I learned to remove conflict and stress from disciplinary situations at work by asking “why?”
- Deal with discipline quickly. Punishment was swift but fair. Waiting just causes stress in both parties and if you wait too long, the discipline and the act are disconnected.
- Have the courage to tell the truth. My mother did not like lies and lying carried the most severe punishment. If we told the truth, especially when it was difficult to do so, we received the least severe punishment. From this I learned the value of trust, and why it is important that you be trusted. The same can be said for any leader; your people must be able to trust you and those above you must trust you too. Throughout my life I have found that telling the truth earned me far more respect than I would have earned by keeping quiet.
- It’s OK to make mistakes. Mother taught us the lessons parents are supposed to teach their children: right from wrong, treat people with respect, tell the truth, and many more. She taught us as children and let us make our own decisions as we got older. She never interfered with our lives as adults. She continued to support us, love us and worry about us, but she didn’t try to tell us what to do. As leaders we need to do the same. Teach our people what is expected and let them make their own choices. They may not do it the way we would, but that doesn’t make it wrong. They may even make mistakes – they need to make mistakes if they are going to learn. Not all mistakes are equal so don’t take a complete hands-off approach. I like to say that I’ll let people skin their knees, but I won’t stand by and watch them play in the street.
I owe an awful lot to my mother. Her strength, commitment and love for us was taken for granted when I was a child. I did not know any other way so I did not know how special she was. Fortunately, I learned how great a mother she was long before she passed away. I miss her and am sad to be without her, but I have her with me every day because of the lessons she taught me.
