No one enjoys difficult conversations. We don’t want to cause discomfort, and most of us don’t want confrontation. Many people in management leave holes or blanks in their message to avoid these unpleasant situations. This is extremely shortsighted and dangerous. If you don’t fill-in these blanks, someone else will, and it probably won’t be with the information you want.
Fight any desire to leave blanks by being honest with your people especially when it is difficult. Blanks leave people feeling out of control and afraid. People naturally have a nasty fear of the unknown and we have a tendency to fill-in the blanks with our worst fears and paranoia, amplifying our original fears.
Don’t create or add to a fearful environment:
- If you are uncomfortable, say that you are uncomfortable. It’s not likely that you can fake it anyway, and it builds a sense of trust.
- If you don’t know the answers, say that you don’t know.
- Give people hope! Give them a vision of the future and help them see their part in shaping it.
- Control your message and don’t leave any blanks
What do you think? Have you seen this in action? Are you living in this environment?
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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Great post Becki. Leaders need to be able to speak the truth, to give themselves full permission to say what is happening and why and take full responsiblity for the impact.
Difficult conversations become more difficult when they are ignored. That’s when rumours start, when people start making assumptions and creating their own stories. Those stories then become so ingrained that people start to believe that they are true. How often do office rumours become so believable that they actually turn into the reality?
Only be a leader if you are willing to stand up for what’s true. Be open and honest, even in those sticky moments. It’ll make life easier going forwards.
Thanks for the comment Jude. I think your points about rumors are so true. These conversations might be difficult, but avoiding them creates a much larger mess that could have been avoided.