Why is communication so difficult? It should be easy. We start learning to communicate as soon as we’re born. We cry when we want food, warmth, cleaning, security, sleep. Then we begin to learn words and body language. How is it then, that when we are fully grown and educated we still can’t communicate very effectively?
Here’s a story to illustrate:
An engineer (Bob) wants to take on tasks that he has not been checked-out on. Bob’s boss, Fred, wants to make sure Bob understands the tasks before he allows him to do them unsupervised. Fred needs to put together a skills checklist for Bob so Bob knows what is expected, but before Fred can get that done, Bob asks Fred for permission to do these tasks. Fred’s busy fighting a fire so he says to Bob something like, “Not right now. You have to demonstrate that you can do these tasks before you can have access.”
Bob: “What do I need to know? What do I need to do?”
Fred: “I don’t know right now.”
Bob is a bit confused and frustrated, and walks away in an unmotivated state of mind. Bob complains to the next five people he sees and spreads his frustration, causing them to be unmotivated too.
Fred was completely honest with Bob; at that moment he didn’t know what Bob needed to do. Fred didn’t intend to cause any frustration for Bob or the other people Bob spoke to, but that’s exactly what happened. Now the whole department is distracted. What could Fred have done differently?
Good Communication Requires Preparation and Concentration
Fred could let Bob know that he’s happy that Bob is motivated, but that he (Fred) is busy at the moment and request that they talk when Fred has more time. Fred should use the chance to layout the process before he speaks to Bob. Fred should do this in a timely manner out of respect for Bob, and promptly get back with him.
If Fred did this, the result for Bob, Fred and the department would be completely different from the original outcome. Bob and Fred would have an agreement about the expectations. Bob would walk away from that interaction knowing what he needs to do to take on more responsibility, and he probably wouldn’t be complaining to his coworkers.
What You Can Do to Communicate Better
This story is not unusual, nor are the results. This was a seemingly innocuous interaction between Bob and Fred, but the result was frustration, bitterness, and disillusionment. As a leader, you have to understand that these simple interactions with your people can go very badly. It’s your ability to communicate that makes the difference.
- Look at every situation from their point of view.
- Take the time to give them your undivided attention. Shut off the monitor, blackberry, etc.
- Postpone the conversation if you do not have time to give it the attention that it deserves
- Ask clarifying questions. Did they understand you? Did you understand them?
It is not easy to communicate. It takes awareness, practice and energy. The ability to communicate is the most important tool the leader has in their tool belt, so remember to pack it and learn how to use it.
Do you have any stories like this to share? What did you learn from your experience? What advice would you give Fred or Bob? Leave a comment or talk with me on Twitter @true62.
