Learning Patience

December 5, 2021 - 4 minutes read - 793 words

Patience Patience Patience

I’m not a naturally patient person. The patience I have has been acquired painfully, but I’ve learned to make those lessons easier.

I’ve learned to pay attention and to honor painful, scary, or confusing situations by asking what I can learn from each one. I’ve even reached the point where I welcome the opportunity to learn from the experience. Sometimes. Eventually.

Having to go back for a second surgery was an opportunity to learn. I didn’t want to go back because the first one was so trying. But there wasn’t a good option that would let me avoid going back to surgery. So what could I learn from this experience?

Patience and Acceptence

I had to learn patience to work with my body and to go through with my treatment, which was surgery. I had to work with my body’s energy levels and accept that it was often tired. I had to accept that I could only do shorter, easier rowing sessions than I could before surgery. I had to accept that my body was reacting to the trauma of surgery, and that I was experiencing emotions that I didn’t understand.

It’s a good thing that I had a month between surgeries to learn these lessons, because for the first 2+ weeks, I wasn’t accepting or patient. I was frustrated and a little angry, and more than a little confused about the emotions I was feeling.

Dwelling on the why isn’t good for me. I’m slow to understand many of my emotions. I finally came to the conclusion that I didn’t have to understand all of it, but I did need to accept it. I needed a second surgery, and I needed to be as ready as possible for it mentally, emotionally, and physically.

But Wait…There’s More

It’s been quite the month. I had the first surgery, got married a week later, had my sister visit for a week, celebrated Thanksgiving, and had my second surgery. That’s a lot of activity even if there weren’t emotions attached.

I just tried to focus on the present and preparing for the next milestone. Wedding preprations. Surgery. More wedding preparations. Wedding. Recovery. Preparations for my sister’s visit. Preparations for Thanksgiving. Preparations for the next surgery. Recovery.

We planned our wedding and set the date a few months before the cancer diagnosis. We were anxious to keep the date even after learning the diagnosis and surgery date. We planned a small gathering for the ceremony with a bigger party next summer. Thanks to my partner and help from family, we were able to keep our wedding date as planned and had a lovely time.

Thanksgiving and my sister’s visit were less emotionally charged and took less preparation than the wedding, but required time and effort. We had a wonderful visit and I’m glad she was here to share walks with both before and after the surgery.

Gratitude

These were a lot of life events to have condensensed into one month, but being present for each one helped me see how much I have to be grateful for:

My health, which is good and getting better
My partner, who took on most of the wedding preparations, and who has been with me through the doctor visits, surgeries, and recovery
The love of family as shown by their excitement and help with the wedding. Having a place to stay overnight before and after the wedding was so helpful, and was a wonderful time spent with family.
Family and friends checking in on me and sending encouraging messages and gifts
My sister’s visit, always welcome, was especially welcome at this time
The company I work for gave us the week of Thanksgiving off; time I needed to rest.
My cousin’s wife, who is a nurse at the surgery center coming in and visiting with me before the second surgery. Seeing a (masked) friendly face was comforting.
The wonderful care and treatment by everyone involved in all the appointments, tests, and surgeries.
Support from the Mankato Clinic Foundation and the Jonathan Zierdt Cancer Fund, who sent me helpful information and a care package

What’s Next

I’m waiting on the pathology report to see if any further surgery is necessary. I don’t expect that to be the case, so I’m exercising - gently - every day. I’m getting my rest, and I’m eating healthy post Thanksgiving. I’ll start radiation treatments probably in January. 3 - 4 weeks of that, and I should be done.

I’m lucky. We caught this cancer early and it’s highly treatable. Surgery, radiation, and hormone blockers are all the treatment I need. Thankfully I have good insurance, good medical care, the support of family and friends, and a willingness to learn from whatever I’m experiencing.